dj berndt, writer, blogger, founder/editor of pangur ban party, lets plain wrap get to know him better. this is the twenty-third installment of plain wrap’s interview series in which plain wrap interviews all its facebook friends. thank you dj berndt.
1. Tell us about yourself?
1. I lived in a blue house with my wife, two kids and dog. I shaved every morning before going to work at my father’s insurance company. I believed in God and myself and America. I believed in the future.
Then I was blindfolded and brought here. Every morning I wake and they hook me up to machines and have me fill out surveys. They say I am the smartest, and I feel that I am the best.
On Saturdays, they let me color shapes with any crayon I want. On Sundays, I rip the papers apart and fall asleep in rainbow fragments. I think I may have become God.
2. Have you read any good books lately?
2. A man is sitting on a rock in the desert. The rock is a library. The man picks out a dictionary and uses it to hunt wildlife. The wildlife picks out a pop-up book and turns to cardboard. The cardboard picks out a Bible and turns into a puddle. The puddle evaporates and the rock-library is no longer thirsty.
3. Why did you leave your last job?
3. She picks up her cell phone and calls me. She says I don’t care about her enough. She says she longer loves me. She says she misses me and she wants me to come home, but I can’t because I am on a rocketship circling around the moon, having sexual relations with space-virgins.
4. What have you done to improve your knowledge in the last year?
4. This is the last year ever. There is no time for knowledge. There is no time for meaning. This transmission will cut out ver—.
5. Tell us the most fun you have had in life?
5. I have the most fun when I am with my animal friends and we are building water slides for our vegetable friends who feed our mineral friends who give knowledge to the gods who serve us in our time of need, Amen.
(DJ Berndt blogs at SELF-CONSCIOUS [deejberndt.blogspot.com] and hopes you’ll read his online literary journal, PANGUR BAN PARTY [www.pangurbanparty.com])
